I never thought my tiredness came from having a low self-confidence, but now that I look back, it makes total sense. I felt overwhelmed by the tasks coming to me. At the same time, I felt like I did so much during the day, and, that I didn’t get anything done. I felt like I was going nowhere.
Getting help
I’d never been to a psychologist, but one day I responded to the e-mail offering this service: ‘Yes, I want to see a work psychologist’.
It was during pandemic lockdown, so we met on Zoom.
“You are feeling down, because you’re not valuing your work and yourself enough.” That diagnosis was surprising to me.
I always remember how he told me: “You know, sometimes it’s not that we don’t do enough, but rather that the expectations are set too high for anyone to finish all that work.” Hearing that, I felt a sense of relief. Maybe it wasn’t that I was slow or lazy, but actually, the workload was just too high and the tasks were too vague and lacked guidance.
Feeling unaccomplished day after day had started taking a toll on my self-confidence, so I was really suffering from two things: work exhaustion and low self-confidence. I was depending on only external recognition. And that made me blind to the work I put in every day.
I learned, that I needed to practice trusting in my skills and abilities more, appreciating my work, and have others see the value of it too.
The appointment with the psychologist was really much more practical than I’d expected and I learned 3 ways to improve my self-confidence by strengthening my sense of getting accomplished at work.
3 ways my work psychologist advised me to improve my self-confidence at work.
1. In the morning, write 1-3 things that are the most important ones to get done today.
Start your day with them and only move on to other tasks when these 1-3 tasks are ready. Be realistic with the goal. Often just 1 task done well in a day is enough to keep consistent progress at work.
Benefit: You’ll feel accomplished as you can cross out even that one finished task. This gives you a natural boost of energy. You’ll stop procrastinating on difficult, but important tasks. You shift your focus to “getting it done” instead of falling into the feeling of not getting anything done.
2. Stop writing a to-do list. Write a “What did I do today” list instead.
We are all familiar with to-do -lists. They’re long and exhaustive. We start the day believing that we’re going to tick all the tasks from the list today. That’s until 1 p.m. hits and we’re still looking at the list nothing finished. All the pressure falls to the afternoon. This can create anxiety and a feeling of always racing with time. You end up your day staring at all those unfinished tasks on your list thinking: What did I even use my time on today?
While to-do-list is meant to help in managing our time and get organized, it may turn against our productivity by generating feelings of powerlessness. It can actually act as a message confirming negative beliefs about your capabilities. What happened to me, is I left the day feeling tired and just thinking about all the things that I didn’t manage to finish.
My psychologist told me to switch my focus on what I had managed to get done.
Flip you focus over to the finished tasks. Instead of writing extensive to do-lists, write a list of what you accomplished today. Think about how relevant those tasks you finished were for your organization. Who did you help in your community? Did you improve communication with someone?
Benefit: Your energy shifts to feeling accomplished and capable of finishing things. You start acknowledging your work. You start ending your days affirming your skills in a positive way. This shift in your energy brings positive changes to how you will confront the next day.
3. Ask for relevant feedback.
Cognitive bias can make us focus our attention too much on things that aren’t actually as bad as we think, while staying blind to the skills that we actually need to work on.
I noticed myself living with a feeling of never doing my work well enough. The feedback I received for my work from others was, however, the complete opposite! My colleagues were actually giving positive feedback for taking initiative, being energetic, and getting things done. However, I never asked for feedback for myself apart from the yearly mandatory evaluation at work, so I’d only hear that once. In a year. Yep, not really enough data to make assumptions of my skills.
One of the tips my psychologist gave me, was to actually seek positive and constructive feedback from the people who work with you, or even your friends and family. Hearing how others perceive the work you do can help to put negative self-beliefs and doubts into context.
Receiving and asking for feedback is a skill. So is giving. Make sure you receive feedback that is related to your work and not taking it on a personal level.
When you get constructive feedback, it can be difficult to accept first, but it’s key to closing the gaps in your capabilities. Regular feedback helps you to maintain a realistic understanding of your skills, and can improve your confidence, as you improve your self-awareness. You know that there are gaps in your skills, but you know you’re working on them.
The important thing is to make an action plan based on the constructive feedback to improve in the areas that make you insecure.
Benefit: You get concrete and realistic information about how you’re performing. You stop listening to the negative self-talk. You discuss your development areas with your mentor or manager and make an action plan to improve. You learn that you are in control of your performance and able to grow. You no longer evaluate yourself through your negative beliefs-of-self, but move into a space of action and growth.
When no one else gives you the recognition you need, you need to learn to do it yourself!
Having a low self-confidence at work can play out as exhaustion, demotivation and prevent you career growth. Remember, that there is a way to come out of that feeling.
If you feel exhausted or undervalued at work, try these tips for a few weeks to see if you can shift your energy. And if you have the opportunity to visit a work psychologist, do it.
